Growing from a seed
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I've been seeing a ton of posts lately about how all trees grow from tiny seeds, and it's meant to be inspiring – everything starts in darkness, you don't know where you'll end up and enjoy the journey, your life is just beginning right this very second.
Except... I don't actually know what kind of seed I'm growing into everyday.
I was talking to one of my best friends yesterday, and she asked me about how I actually did these posts and drawings everyday. I kind of just sit down and do them, although some days are easier than others. Today, I futzed around for hours before I knew what I wanted to draw. Some days are like that.
The thing is, I never really know where I'm going to end up most days. In that way, I'm just like the seed in these doodles that has no idea what it's going to become.
There are days where I feel like just growing into grass would be awesome, because if you're grass, you're surrounded by millions of other blades of grass, and it seems like it would be hard to be lonely. Plus, even though someone comes along to cut off your head everyday, you still keep growing.
Other days, I'm desperate to be a tree, and be bigger and stronger than everyone else. And then there are the days like today, where I feel like a pricker bush that just wants everyone else to go away for a hot minute.
Those seed posts miss the point: growing itself isn't all that exciting on its own. It's a lot more interesting to know what you're growing into, and to have direction about that.
A seed can't change what it's going to be when it grows up. It's an awfully fatalistic way to look at the world.
So while I'm happy to have a blank canvas for each day, I hate to look at my life like I'm some sort of predetermined anything. It's much better to face the daily fear of having to create something new than it is to feel like your life path is already set for you.
That's it for today, because it's been a bit of a weekend. Thanks!
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